december 7

I thought about titling this blog "the day which will change my life" but that day occurred in the summer of 1996 when I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior. On December 7, 2011, just four days before my 34th birthday, I will undergo a surgery which will dramatically change my life: how I literally live my day to day life, how I will be able to relate to others, how I will be able to play with my son and how I will be able to be...well, just be. This surgery will change my very being. Yesterday, I scheduled my gastric sleeve surgery. December 7.

On November 23, I start a liquid diet (purpose to reduce the size of my liver and make the surgery technically easier for the surgeon. In case you didn't immediately realize, this is the day before Thanksgiving. I do not find it random that God would have the surgery scheduled so that November 23 would be the first day of this liquid diet. I have no ill-conceived notions that this will be easy. Liquid diet while I'm preparing a fantastic dinner for family and friends, increased financial worry, surgery days before my birthday which would usually be spent going out to eat with family and friends will now be spent drinking liquid birthday cake. I guess I can't have my cake and eat it, too :)

I think of the word sacrifice and that does not define what I'm about to welcome into my life. The struggle will not be these next few months of my life nor the lifetime after where food can no longer be an important part of my social life. The struggle has happened for the past 33 years. The bullying, the physical handicap that obesity has caused. This has been a struggle. Yes, I am prepared to eat my words after the surgery, pun intended. I know that grief will come and, although I am currently so excited about this surgery, I know I will have days that I may even regret it. The psychologist, doctor, friends/family, and nutritionist have warned me about the grief. I know this is a reality. I MUST keep in mind the big picture.

Lord, I pray that this surgery will not only impact my life but those around me. I pray that I will be more available and that the physical restrictions on my life right now will vanish. VANISH!! Lord, use me in any way you see fit. Thank you for providing this possibility for me. Lord, when life gets tough and when I grieve the loss of this relationship with food, please bring tangible things/people into my life that will remind me of the big picture. Thank you for open doors. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.