This year is different. Family is coming over. Friends are visiting. There will be no cake. There will be minimal food (for me, anyways). There will (apparently) be a ton of pain. But most importantly, there is such hope. Hope of finally shedding pounds in the coming year. Hope of releasing a burden that has plagued me for 33 years. THIS IS THE BIGGEST AND BEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT I'VE EVER GIVEN MYSELF!! I can't even fathom what is to come. Can't.even.fathom.
I'm in quite a bit of pain this morning. Enough that we're not going to church. Our church family has become very important to us, to our marriage. We have some church-hurts that have happened throughout our marriage that kept us away for a while. It's comforting to have found an awesome church home here in Independence.
Despite the pain, I am happy. I believe I have been happy for a long time but this kind of happiness is new to me. It is one that has been slow-roasted, marinated, and dripping in awesome-sauce. That kind of hope. It's fascinating.
The scale. The scale helps on days like today that feel particularly impossible in regards to pain. I'm down 23 pounds. I had gained some of my weight back after surgery since they pump you so full of fluids. So, since this journey started two weeks ago, I have lost 23 pounds. Is that insane? I've almost lost Will's entire body weight!
I have been so blessed. I think having less focus on the "whats, whens, wheres" of my birthday, has opened me up to the who's and the why's. Who's: I am blessed beyond belief by friends and family. Endless messages checking how I'm doing, food being delivered for Jason by my work family on a daily basis, visitors who don't expect me to be a good hostess or to have a clean house when they drop by. Why's: I don't doubt the love God has for me. Jeremiah 29:11 tells me God has big plans for me, plans for hope and a purpose. This has been my favorite verse for 15 years. Today, I get it. I believe it. I understand it.
Thank you, friends, for your support. Your text messages, emails, Facebook posts, cards, emails...mean the world to me. I love you all so much (all five of you who read this :)
Much love,
3 comments:
Happiest of birthdays to you my dear dear friend! I am so glad you posted an update today. I keep thinking about you and how you are feeling and if you have already lost weight and emotionally what you are going though...so you answered all my questions. I don't want to annoy you with texts, but it sounds like you don't mind them. ;) I am SO flippin' excited for you, I can hardly stand it.
Once again as I think of your new journey and life I am brought to tears. (yes I'm sure some of you that read this don't believe that I do get teary eyed upon occasion). You continue to inspire me me. I love how you described the new joy in your life. I too was concerned you would be annoyed by the texts, but I can see you aren't so bring it on. Ha ha.
Michelle - late response, but still I'm just so excited and wondering how this last week has been for you. I can't wait to see you and hear more of your insights in person! Have a great week, keep up the updates!
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