best.birthday.ever

This birthday is different. It is not focused on where I will eat my birthday dinner, which birthday dessert I will choose, what presents I will get. I confess, I have been very selfish when it comes to my birthdays. Entitled, even.

This year is different. Family is coming over. Friends are visiting. There will be no cake. There will be minimal food (for me, anyways). There will (apparently) be a ton of pain. But most importantly, there is such hope. Hope of finally shedding pounds in the coming year. Hope of releasing a burden that has plagued me for 33 years. THIS IS THE BIGGEST AND BEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT I'VE EVER GIVEN MYSELF!! I can't even fathom what is to come. Can't.even.fathom.

I'm in quite a bit of pain this morning. Enough that we're not going to church. Our church family has become very important to us, to our marriage. We have some church-hurts that have happened throughout our marriage that kept us away for a while. It's comforting to have found an awesome church home here in Independence.

Despite the pain, I am happy. I believe I have been happy for a long time but this kind of happiness is new to me. It is one that has been slow-roasted, marinated, and dripping in awesome-sauce. That kind of hope. It's fascinating.

The scale. The scale helps on days like today that feel particularly impossible in regards to pain. I'm down 23 pounds. I had gained some of my weight back after surgery since they pump you so full of fluids. So, since this journey started two weeks ago, I have lost 23 pounds. Is that insane? I've almost lost Will's entire body weight!

I have been so blessed. I think having less focus on the "whats, whens, wheres" of my birthday, has opened me up to the who's and the why's. Who's: I am blessed beyond belief by friends and family. Endless messages checking how I'm doing, food being delivered for Jason by my work family on a daily basis, visitors who don't expect me to be a good hostess or to have a clean house when they drop by. Why's: I don't doubt the love God has for me. Jeremiah 29:11 tells me God has big plans for me, plans for hope and a purpose. This has been my favorite verse for 15 years. Today, I get it. I believe it. I understand it.

Thank you, friends, for your support. Your text messages, emails, Facebook posts, cards, emails...mean the world to me. I love you all so much (all five of you who read this :)

Much love,

home sweet home

Well, surgery is over. Man, I was NOT expecting this pain AT ALL! I know everyone's different in how they respond. Apparently, I respond in lots of pain. BUT, it's getting better everyday. Highlights/Lowlights:

1. Apparently, when my mother-in-law went to get something to eat Wednesday night, I asked her to bring me back two pairs of chopsticks. Strange. I'm on a liquid diet for now...absolutely NO need for chopsticks. Must have been the meds. Funny, huh?

2. I can now stand and sit without help. Woop Woop!!

3. Since Tuesday evening, I have eaten about 4 tablespoons of liquids (broth, sugar free jello). Isn't it crazy?!

4. Jason and his mom are currently eating pizza. I realized today that I have had absolutely zero cravings. Mind-blowing!

5. Before, during, and after my surgery, I continued to get texts from my co-workers letting me know I was being prayed for. They also sent me a beautiful bouquet of flowers.

Feeling very loved.

That's it. Just wanted to update you a bit.