size 20

Today I bought new pants. Jeans, in fact. They are size 20. And, wait for it, I can breathe. This time, in that little red dressing room I have frequented, there was no sucking in while I zipped them. In fact, I was standing fully erect as I easily zipped them. Buttoned them. Then I VERY promptly took them off, turned them around in my hands, and examined the size. Yep. Size 20. Now, for you skinny folks, this is an accomplishment. Truly. At the beginning of this journey, I was busting out of the biggest size at Lane Bryant. Literally. Now, just 7 short months later, I'm almost into the REGULAR SECTION AT TARGET. Oh, regular section, how I have lusted after you. Lust may not be the appropriate word but it's the first one that came to mind. There is exactly one jean style at Target for any size over 18. At least that's the case at my Target. Then there's the regular section. There's a wall of jeans for size 18 and below. A WALL. A wall. Boot cut, skinny jean, straight, capri, oh my. Now, there are plus size capris. Lots of them. I own them all. But not jeans. Jeans you get one option: boot cut. First of all, I don't have any boots. Second of all. Actually, I have no second of all. Back to the topic at hand. For the first time in my life, I can see the other side. The regular section no longer depresses me, it motivates me. Oh, yes, regular section. I'm coming for you. Soon. Prepare yourself. BUT! I'll only be visiting for sizes 14-18. My very generous friend Mendy gifted me with a TON of very nice clothes in my dream sizes of 10 and 12. Ok. Too exciting. That's all for now! I really want to up my blogging. Think I should focus on this weight loss journey? The good the bad and the ugly?

homemade laundry detergent

Inspired by Brooke over at B In Real Life (www.binreallife.com), I made homemade laundry detergent! It works amazingly well and only cost about $2.50 for an entire months worth of laundry detergent! Sorry some of the pics are blurry.

Ingredients for amount shown in picture below:

1 grated bar of soap (any kind you like)
1 cup washing soda
1 cup Borax

Mix ingredients in blender or food processor. Use 1 tablespoon per load of laundry.












Awesome.

inadequate

Yesterday was a rough day. Working with teenagers who are struggling emotionally/mentally/spiritually is a heart-wrenching, challenging job.

As I wrote that sentence, I actually erased it several times, trying to rewrite it to make it sound like I was feeling. That became impossible. The truth is, we are all struggling emotionally/mentally/spiritually to some degree. If we're not, then we're not growing. Growth is not easy. It's challenging. And it's rewarding. Every single day I'm reminded of that on a very, VERY big level. My struggle may not look like their struggle but it sure makes me feel inadequate some days. Like yesterday.

I am reminded of God's presence and unconditional love for me during every minute with these kids. I'm inspired, humbled, and in awe of this all-encompassing presence of our God. He is able to make changes in the lives of these hurting kids that blows my mind. Ephesians 3:20 says, "Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think."

Steven Furtick said at a Leadership conference I attended last year: "If your vision is not intimidating to you, it is probably insulting to God." Today, may your faith be so audacious that you believe that every thing is possible. Every thing. I pray that you will believe bigger than you've ever believed, to the point that you look crazy-insane-out-of-your-mind-weird to the world. That, I believe, would be pleasing to God.

nighttime

Every night, there is a bedtime routine with Will that goes like this:

1. Bath time. Will HATES bath. And I mean hates. Like worse than he hates the nose sucker.
2. Pick out P.J.'s. Will would rather wear his robe to bed. Sometimes we let him cause it's so darn cute.
3. Jason and/or I read Will anywhere between one and seven thousand books. Current favorites: Tickle Monster Book/Kit, I Love you Stinky Face, and Goodnight Moon. Will likes the one about trucks :)
4. Turn on turtle night light.
5. Turn on calming music.
6. Turn off lamp.
7. Bitty Baby Prayer Time. I've started consistently asking Will who he wants to pray for. Before now, I have just been saying a prayer for him out loud and at the end when I say "Amen" he agrees and says "Amy". Apparently he thinks we pray to the daycare lady, Amy. Now, Will has a list of about 100 people he wants us to pray for. Not literally 100, but the list goes like this: Mommy, Daddy, Will, Izzy, Grandma, Grandma, Grandpa, Kevin, Theresa, Eric, Mommy, Daddy, Will, Izzy, Sonny...you get the picture. Some people need extra prayers, I guess. It's uber sweet and inspires us to be the best spiritual guides for him possible.
8. "Mommy Back". This is the point in the nighttime routine where Will will ONLY let me rub his back. Not daddy. Apparently mommy has special skills. I'm fine with that. As is Jason who usually goes and watches some kind of wrestling show that I wouldn't normally watch with him.

That's it. Not sure what inspired me to write a post about our nighttime. Other than it's one of my favorite parts of the day. My sweet boy and his prayer list. I'm one blessed mama bear.

Updates and random thoughts

So, one month out from my surgery and I'm down 42 pounds. I am so, so, so happy with this decision!!! Most of the feedback has been incredible from friends. I so appreciate the love and support. Some people want me to focus on what I've gained rather than what I've lost. Here's the truth, people. I have battled for 33 years my weight. And, I mean battled. Been bullied severly...been through therapy...physically struggled with pain throughout my body, moreso than anyone except Jason really knows about. Chronic pain in my back, hips, knees, shoulders, etc. All due to my physical weight and all.completely.gone...because of what I've LOST. Clearly, I have gained a lot. Clearly. But, for now, I ask to revel in, bask in, rejoice in, even roll around in what I have lost. My life and my family's life will be forever changed. And it just keeps getting better. I'm a loser and I love it.

Randomness

1. Have everything set for private practice. Files, paperwork, place. Now I need clients :) I'll be working in Overland Park so if you know anyone in need, send 'em my way!

2. I found a house that Jason and I love. Farmhouse, two acres, barn, four bedrooms, one and a half bath, close to our price range, half way between my work and Jason's work. Problem...we have a very specific debt-reduction plan than doesn't end until June. Sadness.

3. Did you know that I seriously want to own land and have a couple of goats, some chickens, a big garden, and huge family gatherings in the backyard like they do on Parenthood. Did you know that? See #2. I must trust God's timing. Jason reminded me of that today. This house just came for sale yesterday and it isn't exactly move in ready for most people. Maybe it will still be available when the summer comes around. Brooke K...if you read this...I'm already planning an all-white country kitchen with wrought-iron accents and lanterns. You would be proud!

4. My grandmother passed away on New Year's Eve. She was a saint. I miss her terribly.

5. I think my feet have shrunk, too. Shoes are loose and won't tighten anymore and they are lace-ups. Strange, huh?

6. Jason is a talented fire starter. So thankful for that!!

7. Had my mother-in-law and her father-in-law over for dinner tonight. Made a shrimp boil and it was awesome. Best food since my surgery. Three shrimp, one baby potato, and half an ear of corn. Delicious and stuffed. My teeny-tiny stomach is happy now.

8. Will is still an angel boy. Tonight, I found him passed out in bed with his nightlight shining in his face. It's a turtle that glows with stars onto the ceiling. So, Will had stars all over his face. He also had six books surrounding him. Think he's gonna need a bigger bed.

9. Jason and I are slowly pursuing adoption. I sometimes fantasize about meeting a pregnant coffee girl who wants me to raise her baby. Hasn't happened...yet. We are gonna need more babies to fill our farmhouse and to mow our lawn. See #2. ;)